Time off for good behavior

This is a chronicle of my academic sabbatical and subsequent Arts and Humanities Institute Fellowship. That’s academic speak for, “I have a year off with pay.” But of course the year off is expected, nay, required to be productive. As such, this blog will be self-serving and probably riddled with the pronouns “me” and “I.” I will use it to post images and to articulate ideas and thoughts. For example:

Lately I’ve been thinking about the difference between the person I am and the person I think I am. Or, put another way, the person I like to think I am and the person I probably really am. I would like much more to be the person I like to think I am. If I were I could afford to affect an elitist air, which would be nice. For example, with a supercilious smile I could correct other’s spelling, or math or pronunciation of phrases such as "Le Tour de France." But only if I were a better speller, mather, pronouncer, etc. This reminds me of the time some friends were playing music, and not on a record player the way I do it, when one of them handed me a banjo to play. I had to admit that I do not know how to play the banjo, despite wearing overalls and a flannel shirt. Someone else said, “Oh, just tune it like a guitar then and play it that way.” You see what happened? They assumed I had talent. I then had to tell the friends that I do not know how to play the guitar either. The me I like to think I am would be the person assuming and not the person assumed to. A similar incident comes to mind: I was interviewing for a teaching position at a university in Northern California. One of the interviewers was Russian and had trouble asking me a question in English. Another interviewer advised her to simply ask the question in German. As you probably already guessed, I do not speak German. I should have asked, “Do you speak Navajo?”

This brings me to the part where I compare the me I think I probably really am to the me I would like to think I am. I know I have done this before because this is feeling very familiar but here I go again.

I am a person who drives a lot. I get coffee at Starbucks probably five times a week. I will not attempt to verify that claim because it might well be more. As hinted above, I do not play a musical instrument nor am I conversant in a foreign language. I do not cook or bake as often as I have led you to believe – my sourdough starter simply gets fed daily like the rest of our livestock and pets. I have a gym membership but I cannot tell you the last time I have been there. It has been in the last three months though so that was a $90ish visit to the gym (note to self: cancel gym membership). I am like a smoker and my iPhone is my pack of cigarettes. I am always reaching for it with or without any intention. 

I could go on but at the moment I am sitting in my car in a parking lot in Eagle, Idaho waiting for Big O Tire to call me. This laptop is getting hot and so is my lap.

I will just quickly say that the me I want to be does not drive a lot or buy coffee at Starbucks many, many, many times a week. And he is a baker. During this sabbatical I hope to get closer to being the person I think I am. Or can be. Not better, just different. Ok, better. 

I think I’ll go buy strings for my banjo.

And I want a motorcycle.